Free Hit Counter
Cynically-me
The aftermath of the incident is too overwhelming for a little girl to handle. Deep within me, I am screaming aloud, desperately crying out for help. Anyway, I aint trying to gain pity or understanding by typing this entry.
Perhaps, many have forgotten about the incident, many didn't even care in the first place. Yet, the incident still lingers in me. I know it is silly since it is impossible to turn back time and change it. Ever since the day, everything has changed. I can no longer be who I used to be, I can no longer go back to where I belonged, I can no longer do what I used to love most, we are no longer how we used to be.
It is probably due to the guilt in me that I still can't forget about it. I am returning to my old behavior, being cynically-me. This is really bad. I am linking everything together. My pessimistic nature is telling me that people are ostracizing me. I guess I am just being cynical. Yb always says I think too much and often, the negative side. My mum tells me that as well. I should occupy my mind with work! Yet, I am too free at the moment. Come on.... Let the phone rings. More interviews.....
I do not want to filter my thoughts. Whatever comes to my mind whatever I type.
I have let my Precious Father down. I am thinking too much about my own needs. Indeed, I am disgusted with myself at times. It's time to change my perceptions. Purposeful life is more than fulfilling my needs and wants, it is about fulfilling Our Creator's purpose. I seek for forgiveness.
Once again, it hit me. In fact, it hit me twice in 2 days. One was Sunday and another on Monday. Whenever it happens, I guess the one who suffers as much is him. I am allowing external factors to come between us, causing destruction and damage that are detrimental.
Can I drop this baggage at the next stop?
As I was typing this entry, I wonder what kinds of thoughts would be triggered? How many people will get turn off by this? Very much that I do not want anymore of such thing to happen, I need to let these out of my chest.Labels: Cynical, God, Hybrid, random rambling
