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When you divorce me, Carry me out in your arms . . .
On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car
stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry
her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was
then plump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.
This was the scene of ten years ago.
The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid,
I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were
steadily increasing, the affections between u seemed to ebb. She was a civil
servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the
same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school.
Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy.! But the calm life was more
likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.
Then Dew came into my life..
It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from
behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love.
This was the apartment I bought for her.
Dew said, "You are the kind of man who best draws girls' eyeballs.
Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we just married, my
wife said, "Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls."
Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my
wife. But I couldn't help doing so.
I moved Dew's hands aside and said," You go to select some furniture, O.K.?
I've got something to do in the company." Obviously she was unhappy,
because I had promised to go and see it with her. At the moment, the idea
of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something
impossible to me.
However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly
I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt. Honestly, she was a good wife.
Every evening she was busy with work around the house. I was sitting in front
of the TV. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer,
visualizing Dew's body. This was the means of my entertainment.
One day I said to her in a slight joking way, "suppose we divorce, what will you do?"
She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed
that 'divorce' was something too far away from her. I couldn't imagine how she
would react once she got to know I was serious.
When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff
looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking
with her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates.
But I read some hurt in her eyes.
Once again, Dew said to me, "He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together."
I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.
When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. "I've got something to tell you,"
I said.
She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't
know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. "I want a
divorce." I raised a serious topic calmly. She didn't seem to be much annoyed by my
words, instead she asked me softly, "why..?".
"I'm serious." I avoided her question. This so-called answer turned her angry. She threw
away the chopsticks and shouted at me, "you are not a man!".
And that night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find
out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer,
because my heart had gone to Dew.
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could
own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then
tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years
with me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said.
Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her
cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several
weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.
A late night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something
at the table. I fell asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over
and was asleep again.
She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but I was
supposed to give her one month's time before the divorce, and in the month's time we
must live as normal life as possible. Her reason was simple: our son would finish his
summer vacation a month later and she didn't want him to see our marriage was broken.
She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, "He Ning, do you still
remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day?"
This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me.
I nodded and said, "I remember..".
"You carried me in your arms", she continued, "so, I have a requirement, that is, you
carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this
month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning."
I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her
marriage with a romantic form.
I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was
absurd. "No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce," she said
scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention. I carried her out
for the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, "daddy is holding
mummy in his arms." His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting
room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes
and said softly, "Let us start from today, don't tell our son. "I nodded, feeling somewhat upset.
I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus, I drove to office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so
close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this intimate
woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine
wrinkles on her face.
On the third day, she whispered to me, "The outside garden is being demolished. Be careful
when you pass there."
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple
and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became vaguer.
On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the
ironed shirts, I should be careful while looking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was
even stronger.
I didn't tell Dew about this.
I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to
her, "It seems not difficult to carry you now."
She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could
not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, "All my dresses have grown fatter." I smiled. But
I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily,
not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again,
I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head.
Our son came in at the moment. "Dad, it's time to carry mum out." He said. To him, seeing his
father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to
come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change
my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the
sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her
body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.
On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to
school. She said, "Actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old.."
I held her tightly and said, "Both you and I didn't notice that our life was lack of such intimacy."
I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make
me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, "Sorry, Dew,
I won't divorce. I'm serious."
She looked at me, astonished. Then she touched my forehead. "You got no fever." She said.
I moved her hand off my head. "Sorry, Dew," I said, "I can only say sorry to you, I won't
divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of
life, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried
her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So
I have to say sorry to you.."
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door
and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove to the office.
When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her
favorite. The salesgirl asked me to write the greeting words on the card. I smiled and wrote,
"I'll carry you out every morning until we are old . . ."Labels: Life, marriage
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BabyRuth
Courtesty of my childhood fren
Thanks!
Only available in the U.S.Labels: friend
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Friday, November 16, 2007
One paper down. 4 more to go.
No matter how many times I've gone thru exams, I would still be panicky the night before the exam day.
I always have this mentality that I am not ready for the paper which is true to a certain extent. Though I attended all the lectures for AB311, I didnt go for most of the tutorial classes.. -_- my bad. Hence, I was fearful that I might not be as prepared as the others. The way I munched on chocolate ytday night was scary. Strangely, lost of appetite after the exam. My stress level is directly proportional to my appetite. Dont make me stressed!
I am contented to have made really good hall friends. Together we discussed, ate, chatted and analyzed the case. Not just me, MX & YT though. There were abt 9 people discussing! In between, there were people who came and went off. Amiable, humorous bunch of people indeed.
Bingo. we hit a few jackpots for the case. Congrats.
Eeekk. I'm still in my sticky sports attire.
Next up, Are you ok?
It's not a qn to you. This is my elective subject title!
This picture has nothing to do with todae's entry. Haha. Just a random pic.
Labels: exams, Friends, study
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Thursday, November 15, 2007
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14/11/07, Wednesday 十四月十一日 水曜日
明日 BUKIT GOMBAkへ Mr Tanに 運転を 習いに いきました。
雨でしたから、道に 気を つけなければ なりません。
ゆっくり 運転を しましたから、大丈夫でした。
Learnt: making 3 pt turn, U-turn
Everything went well though it was pouring. First time driving on a rainy day.
Glad that I didnt make too many mistakes today...
But ... Problem came only when the lesson was finally over. I stopped the car, released the clutch without freeing my gear. Opps. The car went dead. *the car was on a slope*
Nervously, I restarted the engine. Instructor Tan: dont start dont start!!!!
Down the slope it went. Thank God he acted fast by stepping on the brakes.. heheee
He shdnt have praised me during the lesson. Singaporeans cannot be praised.Labels: driving
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Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Ai xin bento!!
Thank you sis. I love you
So sweet of u to come all the way from Bishan to Ntu. Super touched.
P.s. cant blog too long. gotta go for a jog now~ exam....!!!!
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Sunday, November 11, 2007
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Drowning..
Why did I choose this module in the first place?
Nt my cup of tea.. SeriouslyLabels: Hr, study
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